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Gentleness - Trustworthy with the Fragile

Sept. 20, 2026

   Gentleness is the eighth of the nine characteristics of the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 6:22-23. Colossians 3:12 says, “Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with hearts of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” The Greek word work for gentleness, epieikeio is also used for clemency, i.e., forgiveness or not exacting the penalty or what is justly due.

   Let’s pretend your spouse was Superman (or Superwoman). Not only could the open jars easily, but they could also move cars. And whenever they played with your kids, they would accidentally break their arm, or worse. Would you be impressed with them; or would you think of them as some kind of monster?

   There is a golfer’s joke about a two-by-two matchup. One person brought a gorilla as his partner. The gorilla could play golf, and there was not rule that said he couldn’t. On the first hole, 500 yards, the other team was concerned. The gorilla’s first shot was 500 yards landed within inches of the hole.  They were concerned until the gorilla’s second shot, which was also 500 yards. Strength without gentle control is wasted.

   With gentleness people trust you to hold their delicate and fragile things. Will a young boy give you his favorite model airplane, for you to touch and look at, with full confidence that you will not damage it?

Do those around you think Gentleness a Virtue or a Shortcoming?

   Some think being tough is important to really be a man. Being tough can mean different things, but it can be a good thing, if you are a soldier, an athlete, a lawyer, a leader, or struggling under trial. Job was tough, and in a different way Moses was tough and Paul was tough. But when someone defines tough as the opposite of gentle, then being “tough”, defined in that way, should be recognized as a sinful thing. Being gentle does not detract from being strong, tough, or brave; it means you are multi-faceted. Let’s say you a tall, are strong from lifting weights, and have large muscles. People can assume you are not gentle because of your looks. Their misjudgment is unfortunate, but perhaps it is in part because that is what society has taught. Perhaps if you are that way you should go out of your way to show you’re a “gentle giant”. But excelling in gentleness, as we should, has nothing to do with exercising less, being a worse athlete, or following any other one-dimensional stereotype.

   Gentleness does not mean weakness. You can be weak or very strong and be gentle. Gentleness means your strength is always under your control. Sometimes gentleness means giving up control in a situation. Let the other person lead. Gentleness is not just a private attitude, Philippians 4:5 says we are to let our gentle spirit be evident to everyone. Everyone includes believers, unbelievers, family, non-family, people we like, and people we don’t like.

God can be Gentle

   Here is what God, the more severe being in the Universe, also reveals about Himself. Ps 18:35 says, “You have given me Your shield of salvation; Your right hand upholds me, and Your gentleness exalts me.” The Hebrew word for gentleness, ‘anawa, also means condescension, coming from ‘ana, meaning “to bend low”.

   Isaiah 40:11 is a beautiful picture of God, like a human shepherd, gathering the baby lambs in his arms to lead them to their mothers. The same God who can rip apart stars, with all His might to put all the waters in the hollow of his hand in Isaiah 40:10,12 is the same God who is gentle in Isaiah 40:11. If God in His might can still be gentle, then we can be too.

Gentleness is not an Option for a Christian, it is a command

   Since God is gentle, and we want to mirror God’s character, one should conclude that we should be gentle too. But just in case someone does not get the point, God explicitly commands us to be gentle in 1 Timothy 3:3; 1 Timothy 6:11; and Titus 3:2. While 1 Peter 3:4 emphasizes the women should not be concerned about outward beauty, but rather the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious to God. That spirit is precious to God for men too as well as women.

   In speaking of leaders 1 Timothy 3:3 says, “not dependent on wine, not violent but gentle, peaceable, and free of the love of money.” If someone is not these things, they should not be a leader in the church because they are unqualified.

   1 Timothy 6:11 says, “But you, O man of God, flee from these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness.” This is not saying just ot be gentle, but to pursue being gentle more and more. If other people are in need of help, or they have a sensitive problem, they do feel they can come to you, - without any danger of any mean jokes, ridicule, or mocking?

   Titus 3:2 tells us, “to malign no one, and to be peaceable and gentle, showing full consideration to everyone.”

Gentleness can be useful tool

   God’s example and God’s command are all the reasons we need to not only practice but to also excel at gentleness. But there is a third, lesser important reason too. It can help us in living this life.

   Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

   Proverbs 25:15 “Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.”

   Ephesians 4:2 in telling how to walk worthy of our calling, says, “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,” Physically you need to have balance to walk very well. Spiritually you need humility, gentleness, and patience to walk very well too.

But Sometimes it is Hard to be Kind of Gentle

   It should not be hard to be gentle, but it can be hard to show gentleness if you are not gentle on the inside. You should want to be gentle and kind, because of your love for other people. Paul talks about this philanthropia, or inner love for other people, in Acts 27:3; 28:2; and Titus 3:4.

   But what if you try to be gentle on the outside, but you just aren’t gentle on the inside? The Holy Spirit is in the business of transforming people,  and you can have the faith, hope, or perseverance that He will transform you in that area. We are all to be athletes, spiritual athletes, with Jesus as our trainer, to not just get in shape, but to win at this contest. Clement of Alexandria (193-217/220 A.D.) talks about this in Who is the Rich Man that Shall be Saved ch.3 p.592

   We don’t need to only have faith, like a newborn in Christ, but also be built up in faith. God does that in us, as Polycarp (100-155 A.D.) teaches in Polycarp’s Epistle to the Philippians ch.12 p.35

We might need to be physically gentle with an elderly person who has Parkinson’s disease, and we might need to be verbally gentle with an elderly person who has Alzheimer’s disease. You can tell them they forgot something, but don’t tell them they forgot something a hundred times, - even if they have. As for people in general, say the truth but what is best for them to hear; you don’t need to say unnecessary things that are not helpful, even if they are true.

   It might be a lot easier to be gentle with the people who are loving and gentle towards us. But that is not the mark of gentleness for a mature Christians. Ignatius of Antioch (-107/116 A.D.), a disciple of John the Apostle, says, “be meek in response to wrath, humble in opposition to boasting, … and for their cruelty, manifest your gentleness. While we take care not to imitate their conduct, let us be found their brethren in all true kindness; and let us seek to be followers of the Lord…” Letter of Ignatius to the Ephesians ch.10 p.55

Is there a Place for Gentleness in Correction and Rebuke?

   Gentleness is not just attitudes, and not just actions, but also words. Correction is telling somebody something was wrong because they did not have that information. Rebuke is when they already knew it was not right, but they chose to do it anyway. You can correct with gentleness. Sometimes you can rebuke with gentleness, and sometimes you need severity. 1 Timothy 5:1-2 says, “Do not rebuke an older man, but appeal to him as to a father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” (BSB)

   Galatians 6:1 says, “Brothers, if someone is caught in a trespass, you who are spiritual should restore him with a spirit of gentleness. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.”

Do you want to be wise, with God’s Wisdom?

James 3:17 says, “But the wisdom from above is first of all pure, then peace-loving, gentle, accommodating, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial, and sincere.”

   In society today people don’t usually connect wisdom with being peace-loving and gentle, but they should. When someone is raging, and insistent on their way, right or wrong, wisdom and facts can just get in the way of what they already want to do. You cannot have a good relationship with everyone, but if you are gentle, shouldn’t you still try, vs. bullying or intimidating others or being prone to sue others in court or to misuse the law to your advantage. A gentle person, especially a church leader, is not contentious, full of strife, or unteachable as Cyprian of Carthage points out (Epistles of Cyprian epistle 73 ch.10 p.389).

Do you want to be like Jesus?

   Gentleness is related to meekness (in Greek prautes and the adjective praus). Prautes is actually the word used of Jesus in Matthew 11:29 and 21:5.

   In Matthew 11:29 Jesus says, “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

   Even at the Triumphal entry Matthew 21:5 proclaims, “Say to the Daughter of Zion, ‘See, your King comes to you, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey.’ ” Jesus could have come on a warhorse, as a warlike leader, but instead he comes on a donkey, a symbol of a peaceful king. He will not come on a majestic horse until his second coming.

   Speaking of metaphors of animals, Jeremiah 11:19 says, “For I was like a gentle lamb led to slaughter; I did not know that they had plotted against me: “Let us destroy the tree with its fruit; let us cut him off from the land of the living, that his name may be remembered no more.”

   Hebrews 5:2 says, “He [Jesus] is able to deal gently with those who are ignorant and misguided, since he himself is beset by weakness.”

   Paul appeals to Jesus’ gentleness is asking the Corinthians to be obedient. 2 Corinthians 10:1 says, “Now by the mildness and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you — I, Paul, who am humble when face to face with you, but bold when away.”

   If Jesus can be kind and gentle, even after people opposed Him, then we can be too.

On the other hand, there is a time and place not to be gentle. Jesus was not gentle the two times He drove out the moneychangers with a whip. Jesus was not gentle when Peter was trying to gently persuade Jesus not to go to the cross and Jesus said, Get thee behind me, Satan.”

Gentleness Affects our Apologetics and Gospel Witness

   When someone does us wrong or says bad or mean things about us, our natural, fleshly response is to get them back. However, we must not sin by giving in to that. 1 Cor 4:13 says, “when we are slandered, we answer gently. Up to this moment we have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world.”

   We must not keep silent when people preach and teach heretical things. But 2 Timothy 2:25 says, “He must gently reprove those who oppose him, in the hope that God may grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth.”

   1 Peter 3:15 says, “But in your hearts sanctify Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give a defense to everyone who asks you the reason for the hope that is in you. But respond with gentleness and respect,”

   Justin Martyr (c.150 A.D.) was a former philosopher who became a Christian and an apologist (finally finding the “true philosophy) and he emphasized the important of patience and gentleness to lead the lost form shame and the love of evil. First Apology of Justin Martyr ch.16 p.168

   Another very early Christian apologist, Aristides (125 or 138-161 A.D.) p.277 says, “they [Christians] appeal to those who injure them, and try to win them as friends; they are eager to do good to their enemies; they are gentle and easy to be entreated.”

Gentleness in Discipling

   Paul gives us his example in 1 Thessalonians 2:7: “On the contrary, we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother caring for her children.”

   Gentleness includes being able to deal with the small, the young, the injured, and the fragile without harming them. But gentleness with physical things is just a small fraction of gentleness. What if someone made a bad decision, after you told them, and now they are crushed. Gentleness means looking at the situation and not perhaps saying, “I told you so” when you feel you have every right to do so. You need to be gentle not just with physical things, but with your words and people’s feelings too.

The Balance

   Both in witnessing and later discipling Paul had come to the Corinthians in gentleness in 1 Corinthians 4:21. However, Paul said that he would be severe with them, if he needed to be.

   Like Jesus and Paul, when should you be gentle with other people’s feelings? Also like Jesus and Paul, when should you not be?

   At what point do deal gently with a “young one”, whether a young child, a young believer, or a new employee, vs. telling them to toughen up, because this is common to all. If someone have a scrape, or fails at a task, do you deal with a toddler the same way someone deals with a marine recruit? – of course not. Do you deal with a careless teenager who burned their finger on a hot stove the same way you deal with a terminally-ill cancer patient? – of course not. We need to prudently read the situation and respond appropriately to where they are at, and the seriousness of what they did.

   Sometimes people have an expectation for sentimentality for their “great calamity”, when this is something that most people need to endure and get over. Imagine you were a fifth friend of Job’s who approached him complaining to Job that you had a bad cold.

How to Counsel Those Who Need (or Want) Gentleness

   No two people go through the exact same situation. But if you have been through a similar unfortunate situation, you have a special gift of relating to them. Tell them what you have gone through. Don’t dwell on it a lot, as though this is all about you though. But you can bring it up just enough so that they see they are not alone, there is someone else who has gone through something similar and they are understood emotionally and empathetically.

References

Bible quotes are from the BSB (Berean Study Bible).

Ante-Nicene Fathers. Hendrickson Publishers.

Harrison, R.K. The New Unger’s Bible Dictionary Moody Press. p.467

Douglass, J.D. and Merrill C. Tenney. The New International Dictionary of the Bible. Zondervan Publishing House. p.383

The Wycliffe Bible Dictionary. Hendrickson Publishers. p.671.

www.biblequery.org/History/ChurchHistory/WhatEarlyChristiansTaughtOnExperienceAndPractive.html